i’ve spent the first few weeks of 2019 wanting dearly to take some time and envision the year ahead. to take part in the collective excitement that comes with “the fresh start” of the new year. but my body just wouldn’t let it happen. i have repeatedly slept in without intending to, and despite sleeping for far more than my average night of rest my body keeps demanding more. i’m not going to lie, it has infuriated me - how the hell could i need so much sleep!? i never need that much sleep. day by day i guiltily racked my brain for the answer, until finally it came to me.

as a budding entrepreneur i’m usually faced with the: “should i take some thirst quenching days off or not get paid?” dilemma. often times, mind wins over matter. so i ignore the quiet whispers coming from my body - that she could use a little bit of shuteye. and bit by bit, my body starts to feel heavier, burdened by the weight of responsibility i’ve placed on it. 

by the time i acknowledge that sluggish, sticky feeling that has crept its way in i’m often too deep into my commitments. but i refuse to drop the ball. so i power through, racing towards the finish line for the much awaited, epic nap time which awaits on the other end. finally, just when the much awaited rest is within exciting opportunity comes up. i get caught in the flurry of excitement, you know - the type that accompanies opportunities that light up your soul, so i say yes. and that epic nap time is so far out of sight it’s nothing more than a distant illusion.

in the aftermath of that train of thought, a little inner banter occurred.

logical me: stella, you’ve been depriving yourself of sleep for years. a day isn’t going to make up for a lifetime of cutting corners in rest. if you’re tired, then rest.

emotional me’s response: well no shit, sherlock. with a crossing of arms and snaggletooth stare. ⠀

and therein lies the answer. there’s no deadline to draw out an elaborate set of goals for 2019. i do that on the regular. instead, my intention for 2019 is to work on resting my mind and body, to create space for myself as i so passionately do for others. will i continue to work my butt off? absolutely. but this year i will weave in more opportunity for rest because i know that what i give myself will come back to serve my family, friends and clients ten fold.